I Learned 4 Things at a Hardcore Show

A month ago I attended a hardcore show. It was my first time experiencing a concert of that kind. Like most folks my age who grew up in church my first concert was Carman. My second concert was the Gaither Vocal Band.

This might come as a shock but a hardcore show is nothing like a Carman concert. For starters my mom didn’t have to drag me to it. Also, Zoe Girl wasn’t the opening act.

The point is I was a sheltered youth. Slowly over the years I’ve been trying to break away and try as many different experiences I may have missed out on inside the shelter. Usually when people say this they mean drugs and other things you’d find in a Miley Cyrus music video. That’s not what I’m talking about.

And I’m also not talking about a strictly Christian sheltered life. My friends in high school weren’t Christian and we were SO BORING. I’m sure they’d admit it too.

It was as if we wanted to avoid any and all interactions with the world where “something could go wrong.” And we all know those are the most memorable experiences! Any motivational poster will tell you “the higher the risk the greater the reward.”

Can “something go wrong” at a hardcore show? Have you seen pictures? It looks like an overcrowded fight club set to music! But I wanted to experience it and it turns out it was a lot of fun.

4 Things I Discovered About Hardcore Shows

1. The Volume

First thing you’ll notice is that hardcore shows are loud. Then you won’t notice it anymore because your ears are permanently damaged. Enjoy that ringing for the next two days!

2. The Sweat

You will end up covered in sweat. It might be yours but it’s probably everyone’s sweat mixing together. The point is you will leave damp. No matter where you stand or what you do. Sweat. Will. Get. On. You.

I came to terms with this early in the show. However, I did reach a breaking point when dirty sweaty dread locks started whipping me in the face. That’s when I knew it was time to go.

3. That Girl Over There Smells Really Bad. Stay Away From Her.

“What girl? Who are you talking about? What will she look like?” Trust me. You’ll know her when you see her.

4. Everyone Looks Cooler Than You

Even the smelly girl. She still looks cooler than you. Even if you end up stage diving. Actually, let me rephrase that: ESPECIALLY if you stage dive.

I reluctantly found myself crowd surfing my way to getting dumped on stage. I stood up and looked out at the sea of people I was about to throw myself on. I’m kind of tall and a few of the faces I made eye contact with didn’t seem thrilled with having to support my body weight. My sweaty body weight.

I raised my arms and made a face that said “sorry guys, but I’ve got to do this” and I jumped. I was held up for a second and then dropped to the ground.

I thought it was a fine experience until I saw footage. My whole nonverbal exchange with the audience is completely lost in the lighting! I just look like an overenthusiastic doofus. It just looks like I raise my hands in excitement and then jump to my death. I’m a Boy Scout trust falling into the cool kids. It’s so embarrassing for me to watch. I’m sure you’ll have a different reaction.

What have you learned about hardcore? If you’re in that scene, why? What do you like about it? What draws you to it? Leave a comment or send me an e-mail. I want to know and I want to do a follow up with your answers.

Fighting Tragedy with Humor

A few years ago a doctor told my father he had Alzheimer's. That’s a heavy diagnosis. A lot of thoughts comes with it. He could forget my name one day, or who I am entirely. He could forget who he is. We might have to take the car keys away from him. And on top of that there’s no cure. So...you know...that really sucks.

My father was very intentional with how he wanted to handle the news. He told my mom he wanted them to feel comfortable making jokes.

A lot of people view the use of humor in the face of tragedy as harmful. It’s a defense mechanism so you don’t have to deal with what’s going on. I know I’m guilty of this. Someone asks me a question and I throw a joke out to dodge having to answer it.

To my family, when it comes to Alzheimer's, humor is not a defensive maneuver. It’s an attack. It’s a step forward. It’s our way of saying “It’s ok to talk about this! We don’t have to be so somber.” Naturally we feel like we have to be on pins and needles around this topic. Humor is a weapon against the tension.

In their book, Heidegger and a Hippo Walk Through Those Pearly Gates, Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein put this way:

“Jokes are funny that way: they can make a devastating point while defusing anxiety at the same time.”

This is one of the reasons behind AWKWARD HONESTY NIGHTS. Let’s use humor to knock down the walls we put around the things “too devastating to talk about.”

Laughter is a powerful thing.

I’d love to talk to you more about the vision of AWKWARD HONESTY NIGHTS.

P.S. I asked my dad if I could tell this story. He gave his blessing but he might have forgot.

Performances are Better Live [video]

The beauty of live performance (as a performer or as an audience member) is getting to be a part of something that will never happen again. Ever. In the world. In the universe. It won't even happen in an alternate universe. If there are any. You can't duplicate it! "No man ever steps in the same river twice." A greek philosopher said that! And it's true about live shows.

I'd like to share with you a few great examples of the beauty of live performance. This is not a list. These are not ranked. I'm not Buzzfeed. I'm not the rest of the internet.

It'll Never Happen Again!

Bill Cosby was just on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. It's such a great appearance because it goes off the rails immediately. The majority of Cosby's segment is spent on the floor. You can tell he doesn't give a rip about doing a "normal talk show appearance." He's too old for that. He takes the show where he wants and Jimmy is more than willing to tag along. It's unexpected and a really fun segment. Also, Cosby comes across as a crazy person.

In 1998 the remaining members of the groundbreaking comedy group Monty Python came together to receive some sort of award. The only deceased member, Graham Chapman, still made an appearance…well…his urn full of ashes made an appearance. Is this clip a little dark? Yeah. Graham Chapman is really dead. For real. And it's sad. But this is still hilarious. And it's the perfect Monty Python way of allowing Chapman to steal the show.

There's Nothing Like Being There

Steve Aoki is a guy who is popular in music today. What does he do? What kind of music does he perform? I don't know. I think he's a dj? I also don't know how old he is. He could be 45 or 20. I'm really bad with age. All you need to know about him is that he's known for throwing cakes at people during his concerts. AND HIS FANS LOVE IT SO MUCH. Everyone wants a cake thrown at their face. Now that's an interesting and unique live experience!

And finally I'll share a video of the hardcore band, The Chariot. I'm not a die hard fan of this band or the style of music but I love watching footage of their live shows because they are terrifying and insane. You never know what someone is going to climb, or throw, or break, or when someone is going to fly at you. It seems so dangerous. But I'm sure everyone remembers the experience.

What I'm trying to say is this show on Saturday is going to be a mix of all of these.

HA! I wish.

Come this Saturday to a live comedy show. It'll have stand-up, musicians, and maybe some unexpected moments.

Comedy For Any Kind of Night

There's this great big wonderful stand-up comedy show on November 23rd. I want everyone to know about it. I also want everyone to know you can make any kind of "night" out of attending a show like this! It's great for any mood or occasion.  

Make COMEDY & THE REST ON NOV. 23 a ____________ night.

Guy's night

Go out with your bro's, buds, uh, man-dudes? I don't know what your friends call each other. Whatever. Hang out with them at this show. It's been forever since you've all seen each other, right? Probably because what's-his-name got back together with that one chick. She's really changed him. AM I RIGHT!? I don't know what I'm talking about.

Girl's Night

Everything I said in the above paragraph but about girls.

Date night

It's cheap and you guys already saw Thor 2. You're running out of date ideas. This is unique! And maybe your significant other will laugh so hard they'll forget they asked you to go home with them for Thanksgiving. I totally understand. I wouldn't want to go either. Their family IS really weird. And you're totally right about Uncle Jeff. That guy is a weirdo.

Find a Date night

You're single. There will be other single people at the show. Why not show up ready to put the moves on someone. AM I RIGHT?!?! If you need help in that department you can attend my new seminar, Trick Her Into Thinking You're Not As Creepy As You Really Are.

Dumped Night

Recently dumped? You already threw your engagement ring into a river and watched that really depressing break-up episode of Boy Meets World? Get out of the house! Forget the ex and come laugh!

Break-up Night

Need to break up with someone and don't know how to do it? Do it at a comedy show! I know it sounds like an awful idea but I'm sure it won't be that bad.

Family night

Bring your whole family out! Except for any babies…or animals. Leave those at home. Don't worry, the animals can take care of the babies. I saw it on TLC.

Laughter is a very nice thing, indeed.

Attend the show as a celebration for something great that's recently happened (new job, new relationship, you just beat GTAV)!

Maybe life sucks right now. You've got nothing to celebrate. A night of laughter can always be a a wonderful distraction. It can lift the weight of whatever has you down (lost your job, lost a loved one, you hate being an adult, you're terrified of the future, gluten allergy, you still can't get over the fact that Ben Affleck is Batman, etc).

Join us in Waxahachie on November 23.

P.S. If it's too far away, why not plan a comedy night at your church in 2014?

Nov. 23 is a Very Special Day

There are a lot of things happening November 23. Bill Cosby is releasing his first stand-up special in 30 years on Comedy Central that day. Day of the Doctor, the big 50th anniversary Doctor Who special airs. I'm sure there's other stuff too. The new Hunger Games movie debuts the night before. Good lord. Now that I look at the calendar THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENING. Oh well.

The reason I bring up Saturday November 23rd is because that's the date of a great big live stand-up show in Waxahachie, TX. I will be performing along with comedian Garland Owensby and a few other special guests.

Tickets are only $5. That's really cheap.

Even though there might be a lot of things happening on that night please consider the fact that all the things I listed are happening on a screen. This stand-up show is live. It's real people really right in front of you. A movie is the same every time you watch it but this show can never be duplicated. This experience is once and never again. And it's only $5.

The show begins at 8 pm and will be at my church, House of Hope Assembly of God. I'm trying to invite everyone: youth groups, college students, strangers, and the rest. If you're anywhere in the DFW area, why not come?

I believe in the power of word of mouth. If you're reading this and you've enjoyed one of our Waxahachie shows in the past, PLEASE share this with others. Bring your whole family. Bring someone else's family but lie and say it's your own. I don't care who you bring. But bring them all.

It's going to be something special.

Galoskowsky's Three Year Anniversary

Last week marked the three year anniversary of my first ever GALOSKOWSKY show. The whole idea behind it was that I wanted to create a live show filled with stand-up, skits, live music, and any other wonderful thing to be performed in churches.

My pitch was this: so many young Christians live a boring sheltered life (speaking from personal experience). They can't go see movies with their friends because the movies are rated R. They can't go see concerts because they're happening in bars. They can't go hang out because all of their friends are going to parties with drinking and other dumb ideas. So they just have to sit around and wait for their youth group to go bowling or something (again I say…from experience I speak).

I wanted to create something worth seeing. I wanted to create something unique. I didn't want to be like so much "Christian entertainment" that was merely a knock-off of whatever was popular in the rest of the world.

My home church in San Antonio, Victory Assembly of God, was nice enough to host our first ever show. I performed stand-up. My friend Mike joined me for a few incredibly stupid skits. Our musical guests were the always wonderful Tyler and Stephanie Martin. It was a lot of fun.

This is a promo video I made for that first Galoskowsky show. I forced my friend Casey to eat one of those disgusting KFC Double Downs. This still makes me laugh really hard.

After that first performance we traveled to a few other churches and independent comedy clubs around Texas. The show evolved over time.

Now I travel alone doing stand-up but the goal is still the same. Some times when you're growing up in a Christian environment you need someone to say "SEE?! FOLLOWING JESUS DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE BORING!" I often end my stand-up shows with a quiet moment to remind the audience the beauty and power of the gospel. Those are some of my favorite times on stage.

It's crazy to think that the first big show I put together all on my own was three years ago. I love looking back over these past few years and seeing God open some doors and close others. I can see His plan so clearly in the rear view mirror. Now when I look out at the future it is completely unknown. But in 3 more years I'll look back and see God's plan just as clearly. And that leads me to trust and lean on Him.

Leaning on God is a great place to be.

A Guest Speaker's Retreat Recap

I'm going to try really hard not turn this blog entry into a WHAT I DID ON SUMMER VACATION essay. That could very easily happen. I'll do my best to avoid that. All I want to do is share with you the great time I had speaking at a summer retreat for The Anchor student ministry. I was mostly excited for this trip the weeks leading up to it. But there were a few things that made me a little standoffish. The three day retreat was a canoe trip in Oklahoma, and those are two things I'm not all that fond of.

Canoeing involves nature and the outdoors. I'm allergic to all that (grass, trees, cats, moss…I'm probably allergic to ferrets or something).Plus, I am an incredibly pale fellow. If I even think about the sun for too long I'll get burned. So it's just easier and more comfortable if I stay indoors. Also, before this trip I had never actually been inside a canoe. I've been on the lazy river at water parks. That's as close as I've gotten.

And then there's the fact that I don't really enjoy Oklahoma. I mean, I don't hate it or anything. Out of all the states it's just not in my top 3…or top 10…or top 50. I guess it's Texas loyalty or something. Sorry, Oklahoma. I'm trying to change.

IN FACT earlier this summer I discovered something remarkable in Texas' hat (Oklahoma). The greatest burger I've ever had is hidden in downtown Oklahoma City. The place is called S&B Burger Joint. For some reason I'm obsessed with this burger. I can't stop thinking about it. I've only had it once but it'll stay with me forever. See? There's some good in Oklahoma! I'm slowly learning to love it there.

Everything about the retreat was great. Hanging out with the leaders and students was so much fun. Canoeing was surprisingly enjoyable. Sure, I got sunburned but at least I wasn't sneezing and slinging snot everywhere from allergies. I think I got bit by spider on my lower back/upper butt. There were a ton of tiny things flying and crawling around. I'm never a fan of that. But canoeing was fun. I'd do it again if given the chance.

And then there were the services. It was so encouraging to watch a group of students so willing to respond to God.

I was given a lot of nice compliments and blah blah blah. I know that was ultimately God who caused things to happen. All I did was be obedient. And I'm so glad I was. The day after I got home from Oklahoma I saw a picture and caption a student from the retreat posted on Instagram.

I've got nothing. There's nothing for to say. It feels great to know that God would involve me. Awesome.

Alright, I'll move on.

There was an unusual tradition at the retreat: arm wrestling competition.  It was the youth's own late night fight club. A table was set up in the middle of the room with a chair on either side. Everyone would begin to sing and stomp WE WILL ROCK YOU as the names of the two competitors was announced. "When the table calls, you answer."

I documented some of the arm wrestlers and I'm so glad I did. Check out the faces this guy was making! He got intense REAL quick.

And check out the guy in the background! He's posed so perfectly but as a complete accident! He naturally sits like that! Man, his yearbook picture is probably incredible.

I enjoyed my time speaking at this retreat so so so much. Looking forward to the rest of the year I'm praying for more opportunities to speak to youth, to share the gospel, and to arm wrestle.

Confession About West, TX

Alright, folks. I've got a confession to make. Remember the night of that terrible explosion in West, TX? Some of probably felt it. I was in North Dallas when it happened so I felt nothing. I was just left confused by a series of tweets from my friends in Waxahachie. "Was that Earthquake?" "Did we just have an Earthquake?" "That was some crazy thunder." Stuff like that.

The explosion devastated a lot of lives. It caused a lot of damage. That night, as I got ready for bed, I had made up my mind that I needed to do something. I call myself a Christian. I am a follower of Jesus Christ and wish to represent him well on Earth. Paul says that we are Christ's ambassadors. The world is to see how great/caring/loving/selfless Jesus is through us.

So I went to bed that night planning on waking up early the next morning, calling churches in West and asking if they needed volunteers. I was willing to do anything. I'd hand out food, organize donated clothes, help people salvage possessions from destroyed homes…anything.

And you know what happened the next day? Nothing. I didn't do it. I didn't do anything. I didn't even give blood. I just went through my normal day.

That is really embarrassing. And it happens all the time. I talk myself out of doing something for the sake of Jesus and his gospel all the time. You know why I didn't go? Because It would have cost gas money. It would have taken up my whole day. I would have been uncomfortable.

I think a lot of Christians do this. We talk ourselves down from doing something that others would deem "crazy" or "foolish" for God. Remember the last night of youth camp when our heads were swimming with what we could do when we got home? We were excited. We were motivated. We were in love with Jesus.

"I could ________ for Jesus."

"I could give up __________."

"I could go ___________."

"I could give ___________."

We're really good at talking ourselves out of it.

But look at how Jesus talks in the gospels. He encourages the "crazy" and "foolish" things. He told a rich man to sell all of his possessions and follow him (Matthew 19:21). He tells us to lose our lives (Matthew 16:25).

I should have gone to West. I should have at least done SOMETHING. I could have just given blood. But I talked myself out of it. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to guilt anyone about not doing anything for West. Maybe you did do something. If you did, awesome!

Another thing that happens when someone talks like this is that people accuse them of preaching a Works Based salvation. Stop it. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING! Going to West would not have saved me. Giving sway all of my stuff and moving to Africa won't save me. Putting all of my love and trust ("believing") in Jesus Christ is what saves me. But all of that love and trust that I put in Jesus should do something to me. Just think about who Jesus is! Think about what He did! Think about how loving and trustworthy He is!

I should love and trust Jesus enough to do ANYTHING for Him. I should be motivated by love. I should feel safe, secure, and free because of that trust. He's got me! "But what if--" NO! Whatever happens I know that He's got me. I trust Him! I should love and trust Him enough to put myself in uncomfortable or foolish situations for the sake of His gospel.

What have you talked yourself out of lately? What were you supposed to do? What were you supposed to give? Where were you supposed to go? Wo were you supposed to pray for?

It's never to late.

The Mysterious Tweet of Dr. George Wood

I belong to the Assemblies of God. I feel like most (if not all) of you already knew that. Just thought I'd clarify if there was any confusion. Anyways, I attended the 7:14 Prayer & Bible Conference this week, an A/G event. It was great. At this conference was the general superintendent of the Assemblies of God, Dr. George Wood. Dr. Wood is a wonderful man and a fantastic speaker. He's also on twitter. That's what this is really about. It's about his twitter. If you're a spiritual leader in some capacity it makes sense that you'll use social media to share insightful spiritual thoughts, right? Right. I get it. I see those tweets all the time. You do too. Let me go find one right now….BOOM. Found one. Didn't take more that 3 seconds. Spiritual tweet from Jacob Jester: "The vision belongs to God, it doesn't belong to you. It's more about We than it is about Me." Cool. Good word.

Some times the spiritual tweets aren't as good. Some times it feels like they're trying too hard. Something like "God is not just a new pair of jeans!" What? I don't know. I just made that up. It makes no sense. I wonder if I could get any retweets if I actually posted that. I'm going to try. I'll let you know by the end of the post if I get anything.

So some times spiritual tweets can be really good and some times they can be the opposite. But then there is this one specific tweet from the general superintendent of the Assemblies of God, Dr. George Wood. It was posted at the beginning of February and it FREAKED ME OUT because it MADE NO SENSE AT ALL. Here it is:

I took a screenshot of it immediately and sent it to several friends. "What in the world does this mean?" I knew it had to mean SOMETHING! Dr. Wood is a very smart man. I've had the pleasure of hearing him speak on several occasions. I love and respect the guy. So this thing about gorillas had to mean something. It had to be profound. I just wasn't getting it. It was like some sort of word puzzle. Was it a riddle? Was it the Da Vinci Code? It had to mean something!

I sent the tweet to a friend who is a youth pastor. He showed his dad, who is also a pastor. Neither got it. I showed it to a few other people. Everyone is confused. Good. It's not just me.

Then I find out that a few minutes after it was posted the tweet was DELETED! What?! What does that mean? Was someone trying to cover up this tweet?! WHAT DID IT MEAN?! I'm so glad I took a screenshot. If I hadn't I wouldn't have any evidence of the gorilla Jesus tweet.

Time passes. I find out about this prayer and Bible conference. I find out that Dr. George Wood is going to be a speaker. "This is my chance," I thought. "I'm going to confront this man about his tweet!"

After one of the sessions of the conference I waited around in the auditorium with a few friends. They knew about my mission and were there to make sure I wasn't going to chicken out. I really wanted to chicken out. Finally an opportunity presented itself. Dr. Wood had just finished a conversation and he was on his way out. I made my face do that thing where you can tell it's about to say something. It caught his attention. He stopped.

"Excuse me, sir. I just wanted to ask who runs your twitter?"

He tells me that he does a lot of the posts but also has another guy named Mark who posts for him.

"A little while ago you tweeted something and I was really confused--"

I immediately regret that I am doing this. Who am I? What am I doing? Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Don't ask the man about his insane tweet. Leave him alone! But I keep going. I even show him the screenshot of the tweet that I keep on my phone.

He tells me he has no idea what that is. Join the club. He's never seen that before. I try to force myself to laugh a little. I want to show him I'm playfully showing him this silly accidental tweet. This isn't hard hitting investigative journalism where I need him to answer serious questions about what he posts on the internet. I'm a dumb 23 year old. I don't work for the New York Times.

He tells me again he has no idea what that tweet is. Then he turns to a man who with him. "Have you seen this?" A few other guys gather around to read the tweet. They're amused. Thank God.

Again Dr. Wood brings up this Mark guy who writes some of his tweets. Apparently "Mark" usually goes through Dr. Wood's writings and selects a thought that seems tweetable. Somebody jokingly asks "you ever write anything about a gorilla?" Dr. Wood considers the question. "Yes," he says "I have written about a gorilla. But it had nothing to do with that. I don't know what that is."

I thank him for his time and walk away. I felt as if a weight was lifted. The mystery was over. It was a mistake that had nothing to do with Dr. Wood. It wasn't one of his thoughts. Good to know.

But seriously! Who DID write that and what were they thinking?!! Was it this Mark guy? Did the illuminati hack his account to spread their message?!

Should we not let Jesus sit where He wants? Is that the message? And why is there an extra i in Him? Typo or hidden message? Someone ask that guy who made that Illuminati Super Bowl video to investigate.

What's the moral? I don't know. Leave George Wood alone? I feel like that's what I learned. Seriously, I felt like such an idiot showing him that tweet. Dr. Wood, if you're reading this…please buy my stand-up album off iTunes. Oh, and I'm sorry I bothered you. That too.

That's the end of my story. No one retweeted my "God is not just a new pair of jeans" tweet. I did get one response that said "you can say that again" but I think they were just making fun of me.

God Makes it Happen

Around this time last year I was completely lost. I remember sitting with a group of friends during a time of prayer and they asked me if I had any prayer requests. I told them that I was freaking out because I knew what God had called me to do but I had no idea how I was going to get there. I wanted to travel and speak/preach/teach/"give-talks"/whatever-you call-it but I was clueless as to how one gets started. Do I just annoy all of my youth pastor friends until they can't take it anymore and give my a Wednesday night? Tried that. Didn't work. Do I….actually that was the only idea I had. So I wanted my friends to pray for me. I wanted God to take care of everything. And guess what? It's a year later. I preached at a youth camp. I did that. For real. And it wasn't a train wreck. How in the world did I get that "gig" (I hate calling it that)? I'm still not sure how the whole thing happened.

God called me to do something. God made it happen.

It's hard to be at peace with that idea. It's hard not to compare yourself to others and turn Christianity into a competition. I used to have a huge problem with that (I probably still do). Did you know Woody Allen started writing in show business at the age of 17?! I used to think about that and get so frustrated. 17?! What am I doing with my life?!?!?

In the Bible, did David do a lot self-promotion and networking in order to become king? No. God called him to do something. God made it happen.

God called me. God will make it happen.

God makes it happen at different times for different people AND in different ways. You can't copy someone else's spiritual journey. And you can't rush your own.

Calm down (I'm talking to you and myself). Be at peace!

Oh, and if you're a youth pastor, can I come speak at your church? Please? Please? Please?*

*This is a joke. See? I'm being ironic because….I'm sure you don't need me to explain it.