I’m bringing my new comedy storytelling show to McKinney, TX on October 19.
It’s about mental health, Mister Rogers, and all the ridiculous things we do when we feel like we’re falling apart.
It’s a very funny show about being sad.
June 14 I performed my new comedy storytelling show, Strong Feelings About Being Alive, in Wichita KS.
A giant shoutout to Josh Peoples for taking such great pictures. And for knowing how much I’d love having some “less traditional headshots” (his phrase that I enjoyed).
It was so much fun. I’m so thankful for everyone who came out to the two shows.
And we’ve got two more shows later this month!
This June I’m brining my new comedy storytelling show to Wichita, KS.
I’ll be at the Flying Pig Improv on June 14 and June 28. Both dates have an early and late show (7 pm and 9 pm). Space is very limited so I’m encouraging people to get tickets ASAP. In fact, the 7 pm show on the 14th is already sold out!
On the 14th, I’ll be joined by musical guest, Sweetly Bitter, a sister duo who compose and cover sweet and sad songs.
On the 28th, I’ll be joined by Lynde Langdon, a popular Wichita comic who incorporates family and faith into her jokes.
In my storytelling show I tell surprising and hilarious true stories about mental health, Mister Rogers, and the ridiculous things we do when we feel like a mess. The show is clean-ish. While there won’t be foul language or crude humor, some stories touch on heavier themes, like mental health, depression, and suicide. We recommend that the audience be at least 14+.
I wanted to make something that could hold me accountable to my writing and help me focus.
I’ve used the “Pomodoro Technique” where you set timers, going back and forth between working for 15 minutes and taking 5 minute breaks. After doing that 4 times you take a longer break.
It really does help me focus and keep me from checking my phone all the time.
It’s also been super helpful to use it with a friend over FaceTime. One one of us sets a timer. No talking, just working, using the breaks to catch up. That’s been a lot of fun.
I thought it would be cool to do it with everyone.
It’s a Focus Livestream. Every Tuesday on my Youtube channel. Anybody else who needs help setting aside time to write, read, chores, homework can do the Pomodoro Technique with me! We’ll all focus for 15 minutes and chat in the breaks. Keep it open on your laptop, phone, or TV and we can all get stuff done together!
I’m performing my new comedy storytelling show in Texas later this month. It’s called Strong Feelings About Being Alive. I tell stories about Mister Rogers, depression, and what it’s like to bomb during a school assembly.
Here’s some more info about the shows…
Since this is my first time performing the show in front of an audience, this is a chance for me to workshop the material. After the show, everyone will have a chance to submit any feedback/reactions. I want to make this show the best and I need your help!
Go to Eventbrite to reserve your spot for free (space is limited)
Share the event on Facebook to spread the word
I’m bringing the show to San Antonio for two nights!
Go to Eventbrite to reserve your spot for free (space is limited)
Share the event on Facebook to spread the word
Last chance to catch the new show this month!
Go to Eventbrite to reserve your spot for free (space is limited)
Share the event on Facebook to spread the word
My name is Taylor Johnson and I’m writing to you from the internet. It’s been years since I last showed up in your inbox. Now I am back writing my newsletter. But with a few lil changes.
I’m focusing on storytelling. How do we tell the stories of our lives? How do stories shape our imagination? What stories do we have to share? How do we hear hope in other people’s stories?
MORE THAN WEEKLY (AT FIRST). I’m launching this writing project on November 1st with 30 days inspired by 1 Thessalonians. Something small everyday: stories, prayers, questions, resources, and recommendations. Between 200-800 words a post. Back to once a week in December.
I changed my website url from taylorjohnsononline to followtaylor.com, and my email address changed with it. If you’ve been trying to reach me because you wanted to gift me a large sum of money, please try the new email address. If you’ve been trying to reach me because I owe you a large sum of money, keep trying the old one.
I’m using Substack now because it’s easier and makes more financial sense than the newsletter service I used 3 years ago. You’ll still receive updates in your inbox, but now there’s an easy to access archive in case you missed a post.
I’ve started stretching everyday and for the first time in my life I can touch my toes. I know that’s not related, but I’m proud of myself and wanted to share.
I have so many half filled spiral ring notebooks from high school and college. Buying a new one was always more exciting than finishing the one I had. Moleskins made the joy of buying and the shame of abandoning even stronger (they’re so expensive!). I couldn’t do it.
But then I started reading Austin Kleon’s blog. And then Kleon pointed to Lynda Barry. Both wrote about journaling and keeping notebooks in a way that made it less intimidating. I was jealous of their attitude.
Here’s what I try to do now because of them…
Use one notebook to catch EVERYTHING. Let it all commingle. A to do list next to a prayer next to doodles next to a “I’m depressed enough to try writing a poem” poem (an example of which will NOT be included in the post). Cast a wide net and add something every day. But most of all, have fun. Play around. Let loose. Who cares.
And make sure you go back and revisit old journals later. You’ll be surprised at all you caught. Stand back and see the big picture. Connect the dots. Check for themes. Let that inspire what comes next in your current notebook.
Read again all the words you once thought important enough to write down. They might still mean something.
It’s a lot easier for me to get stressed and frustrated when I don’t start the morning journaling. I’ve also had to start journaling with my phone on the other side of the room. I kept catching myself picking it up whenever I started writing about something that made me uncomfortable.
I need to take away that distraction. If what I’m journaling about is making me uncomfortable, it’s probably a sign I’m heading in the right direction. That’s the exact thing I should be working out in writing.
Another book that’s really helped me with this is Opening Up by Writing It Down: How Expressive Writing Improves Health and Eases Emotional Pain.
My main takeaway: Have a difficult memory or situation you’re struggling with? Set a timer for 20 minutes and write nonstop the whole time. Just get in the zone and get it out. When the timer is up, close the journal. Give yourself a moment to breathe. Do it again tomorrow. See how you feel after 3 or 4 days of this.
Everything I put in my notebooks: journaling, prayers, plans, rants, stories, jokes, lists, quotes, questions, sermons, memories, and a drawing of Homer Simpson from memory.
A journal is a magic space to hang out
The page is a place (based on Lynda Barry quotes!)
Sometimes when I’m having trouble writing a story, I’ll play this video. Lynda Barry recorded this memory writing exercise for her college class (which you can read all about in the awesome book Syllabus).
I’m afraid of how rusty I am.
I want to start writing again but I’m dreading getting back into it. I’m sure I’m too rusty. Writing? Again? Every day?! I tell myself Forget it, the rust is too much! So I do. I forget.
Until I remember. I really want to start writing again.
The cycle starts over. Forget, remember, forget, remember. Meanwhile nothing gets written and I feel stuck.
I used to write every day. Now that sounds like a huge accomplishment, but back then it was just routine. Same with running. Before training for a marathon, I felt like I deserved a parade any time I ran longer than a mile without stopping or crying or falling in a ditch. The more I did it, the easier it got. Toward the end of training I could see a 4 mile run on the schedule and be grateful that it was an easy day. AN EASY DAY?! Now look at me! If I tried to run 4 miles today, all my bones would crack like cornflakes.
Why is getting back into the swing of things harder than starting to swing the first time? Getting back on the horse feels like it takes more effort than the initial hop in the saddle. Why? It’s the same horse! I know this horse. We’ve met. We used to be great together. Why isn’t this easier?!
I’m dreading the effort it’s going to take to get things back to how they used to be. I’m not looking forward to how many times this used to be easier will fly across my thoughts. I’ll lecture myself, If you hadn’t given up you would be so much further along than you are now.
That’s the problem: if I’m actually going to start over, I have to forgive myself for quitting in the first place. If I can’t do that, I’m going to see every obstacle as some sort of punishment. This is what you get, idiot! If someone else talked to me that way all the time, I wouldn’t want to be around them much, would I? But because I’m my own bully, I’m stuck with this jerk sidekick in the back of my thoughts all the live long day.
Is that why I’m doom scrolling through Instagram? Am I avoiding myself? If I keep scrolling, I stay distracted. And if I’m distracted, I’m not saying mean things to myself about all the things I should be doing. My day becomes about how to keep my bully happy instead of actually doing the things I need to.
And the rust grows stronger. I’m stuck.
I wanted to find this really encouraging Willem Dafoe quote about getting over creative blocks. I can’t find it. Googling “Willem Dafoe” advice” gets you some interesting results, though.
Here are 4 headlines back to back from the first page of results:
If you put those all together you can see that the best actors rush, lose control, and think about murder. That’s not the advice I was looking for.
OH WAIT! I found it.
Abandon Perfection, Try to Fail!
Striving for perfection and worrying about failure will get you all locked up. “You’ve got to find ways to let you not worry and be free.”
It’s counterintuitive but that’s the point.
I want to write. I want it to be good. I’m worried about it being bad. That worry can choke my imagination and keep me from taking risks. And those risks are probably what will actually lead to good writing. I’ve got to get out of my own way!
It’s like Viktor Frank’s paradoxical intention from Man’s Search for Meaning.
Let’s say you’re anxious about a big job interview. You’re so afraid of how you’re going to come across that your nerves are shot. If you dig your heels in (mental, metaphorical heels) and walk into that interview saying to yourself DON’T BE AWKWARD! DON’T BE AWKWARD! Chances are, it’s going to have the opposite effect. The more you think about trying not to be awkward, the more awkward you’re going to be. The solution is to give yourself a paradoxical intention: imagine the thing you’re dreading is exactly what you want to happen. Walk into that interview telling yourself I’m going to show off just how awkward I can be. I’m going to be the most awkward job interview this company has ever seen. You’re freeing yourself when you do that. You’re giving yourself permission not to overanalyze every little thing you do for fear that it’s coming across as awkward. And the more you’re out of your head and in the moment, the less awkward you’ll actually be!
The more you try to be in control, the more you’ll fall apart. Give yourself some freedom.
It’s just like falling asleep or trying to impress someone: the more actively you’re trying to make it happen, the more it’s going to slip through your fingers. I can’t lay in bed screaming into my pillow “I NEED TO FALL ASLEEP RIGHT NOW!” And the worst social interactions I’ve had started with me thinking “I really need this person to like me.”
Is there a way to relate this to Jesus’ words in Luke 9?
The more we try to grasp, take, and control, the more we lose.
Let go.
BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT PERFECT?!
The more that fear is in control, the more my life will be out of control.
Which, you know, is easier said than done.
I got to be a part of the memorial service for my friend and mentor, Garland Owensby. This is pretty much what I said.
Originally I was going to talk about Owensby's career as a male model, but I think l'Il go in a different direction.
That was one of Owensby's go to jokes whenever he'd get up to preach. I heard that joke a lot. I heard all his jokes a lot over the years of traveling with him. The jokes about growing up getting called Garlic, the song parodies, the Elmo impression. My favorite jokes were the ones he would text me, usually after class or during chapel, the ones he thought of in the moment but knew he couldn't tell everyone else. That's when I knew he considered me more than just a student.
I know I should have been just another student. I wasn't even his student. My first semester I had Tiffani Owensby for a math class, and whenever I would start making too many jokes she'd always say "you need to meet my husband."
Even though I wasn't in any of his classes, he'd let me use up his office hours just so we could talk stand-up comedy. In college, he let me open for him on the road. After I graduated, we still performed together and hung out any time I was in town. When I lived in my van, I knew I always had a place to do laundry and get a home cooked meal when I was near Waxahachie.
He taught me everything. He taught me that being silly and goofy does not disqualify you from sharing the gospel. He taught me how to listen as an act of care. He taught me his philosophy of ministry. I remember one time hearing this poor little chubby little sweaty little red faced jr high boy desperately trying to have conversation with Owensby. It was at a camp, during rec games, and you could tell this kid thought it was the huge deal deal he was getting to talk to the camp speaker.
And this is kid was LYING about EVERYTHING. Nothing he was saying was true and it was immediately obvious. To the point where he was like "One time in ROTC we were all lined up doing jumping jacks and my instructor pulled the pin on a grenade and threw it at us. Everyone else ran away to save themselves because they thought it was real. I was the only one to jump on top of it, saving everyone and proving I was the bravest."
When the kid wasn't looking I leaned over to Owensby.
"That's a scene in the first Captain America movie.”
"I know," he said and went back to listening to him.
This poor kid wanted nothing more than for the camp speaker to talk to him and he thought he wasn't interesting enough on his own to warrant Garland's attention. He felt like he had to pretend to be someone he's not in order to earn Owensby's love. But Garland's whole philosophy of ministry was about proving that mindset wrong.
He didn't call it out, didn't humiliate him. He just gave the kid his full attention until he relaxed into the truth. It was so small and subtle, but the greatest act of kindness for that kid.
He had a whole bunch of sermons he could bring anytime he was asked to speak, but there was one that was the most important to him. It was like an identity message, the sermon that contained the nugget of hope and truth that motivated the way he did everything in ministry. Psalm 139, specifically verse 14: "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
Fearfully and wonderfully made. That was at the heart of Garland. Treat everyone with the respect, dignity, and love that you would give to anyone that God himself would point to and say "this one here, this one is fearfully and wonderfully made.
It was like he was telling every student he interacted with: You don't need to be Captain America for me to care about you.
He cared. He cared about the outcasts, weirdos, and those pushed to the margins.
He cared about the underdogs, including women in ministry. He would often say that women in ministry has been, in the past, one of the best kept secrets of the Assemblies of God. "We'll credential them but we won't make them pastors." So he designed a shirt to sell around campus that said "A Woman's Place in the Pulpit."
He cared about victims. Every time there was a new scandal with some masters commission, school of leadership, or chi alpha, we would end up sitting together, reading victims' stories, and treating them with the same respect and seriousness that we would want our own stories to be treated with.
And his care made a lasting impact. At the memorial service I met one of Garland's former students from when he was a youth pastor. He had tears in his eyes when he told me that this youth pastor he met when he was 17 is the reason he's in ministry today.
It's also been cool to see former students who today probably don't want anything to do with the church, and yet when they heard the news they still had stories they wanted to share about Owensby's lovingkindness. His care was genuine.
He wanted us to know we are fearfully and wonderfully made, even when it doesn't feel true, doesn't make sense, even when the rest of the world might make us feel worthless, your value comes from our God and Father who says "you are not a mistake."
Another sermon I heard from him a lot was about the importance of bearing each others burdens. He ended with the same story every time. It was about walking into the first class he had to teach after hearing the news that his mom had passed away. He didn't want to be there. He didn't want to teach. He didn't feel like being the one with all the answers, having to pretend like he had it all together, while his heart was still breaking. At the start of every class, the professor is supposed to ask for prayer requests and lead everyone else in prayer. Instead, he let them in on what was going on, revealing the burden he was carrying.
"Can we pray for you?" The whole class got up, surrounded Owensby, put their hands on him, and prayed. I think they stayed like that for a while, not rushing past that moment of care.
I heard him tell this story at least a dozen times and not once could he get to the end of without crying. He got emotional every time.
I think it was one of the most meaningful moments during his time as a professor. The students he cared about cared for him.
It didn't matter if he was having a terrible day and couldn't be "on" all the time, it didn't matter if he didn't feel like he deserved it, those students saw Garland as fearfully and wonderfully made, emotions and all, and they jumped at the opportunity to bear his burden with him.
When my dad died, Garland was the first person I texted.
The day of my dad's funeral I was shocked when Garland walk in. He drove four hours there and four hours home just to hug me.
I cannot tell the story of my life without him. If you asked me why I do what I do, how I got where I am, why I care about the things I care about, or talk the way I talk about Christianity, he is pivotal in all those things. To tell those stories without him would be the most dishonest telling. He changed my life.
I miss my friend. And at the same time it has been beautiful to have so many kind and thoughtful friends reach out to check if I was ok, friends who want to help bear this burden, friends I met through SAGU, friends who I know…I know they learned how to do what they're doing from Owensby. Because I recognize him in their care.
I talked with Emily Oakley of Rebirth Ministries about suicide prevention for National Suicide Prevention Month.