Why does it feel like we only talk about suicide when there’s one in the news? And why does it feel like the only thing we ever say about it is “if you’re struggling, please reach out.” Then we throw out the phone number for the suicide hotline, call it a day, and move on. But there’s so much more to say on the subject. With how quickly the news cycle moves on to the next big tragedy or controversy, we’re never given enough time to get into it. It’s almost as if the window left open for a public conversation is only wide enough for all of us to throw out one quick tweet on the topic. The world moves on too quickly. Get something, anything out, before the attention goes somewhere else.
As of the writing of this post, there has not been a high profile suicide in the news, so I wanted to take a moment and say something about the way we talk about suicide.
The public conversation is always aimed at the ones who are silently suffering. “Reach out,” we say. “Don’t keep it to yourself.” “Talk to someone.” Obviously this an important message for anyone trapped in shame but because we don’t give ourselves very long to speak openly about suicide, it’s all we ever say. There’s a whole other group of people who never get addressed before the subject is closed and we move on.
Why do we never say anything to those NOT struggling with suicidal thoughts? I realize how stupid that sounds. That could easily come across like a real “All Live Matter” hot take but stay with me.
If you’re going to tell people to reach out, you need to take a moment to evaluate if you're the type of person someone would feel comfortable reaching out to. Are there people in your life right now who would consider you trustworthy enough to open up to about their worst and darkest thoughts and feelings? Have they seen love, compassion, patience, and kindness in the way you respond to this fallen world?
Are you having conversations that leave room for heavier topics?
Do you have relationships where you could ask deeply personal questions of the other person? I remember when I was in darker moments I’d be sitting quietly with friends just hoping someone would ask me if I was ok. Just ask. Someone just ask me point blank and I will let it all out. I was too scared to take the leap on my own. I needed to know that people actually cared and noticed there was something wrong before I felt comfortable vomiting it all out.
People aren’t just struggling with suicidal thoughts when it’s in the news. It’s happening all the time. It’s happening right now. We need to talk about it. And we need to say more than just “reach out."
It’s like we’re standing in a lighthouse looking over the ocean with a megaphone saying, “If you’re out there stranded in the water and you feel like you’re close to drowning, scream for help.” Maybe it would be helpful to turn around with our megaphone and shout to the people on dry land, “Get in your boats and go out there. There are people who need you. Find them!"
