When Eugene Mirman’s wife was dying of cancer, he didn’t want to dwell on it with her, so he’d always find other people to talk to about it. One night while with friends his wife lamented “You know, no one wants to talk to me about cancer.”
In the documentary It Started as a Joke, Eugene talks about this moment as a turning point. He realized he shouldn’t have been afraid to bring this subject up with his wife.
“Talking about it isn’t going to be the thing that kills her.”
Some times it feels so scary to wrap words around the heaviest feelings we’re experiencing. We think the feelings are a giant wild animal and the only way to keep it locked away in its cage is to never speak of it. Words are the key, and if you open the lock, the beast will run wild through your life.
But I love this realization. Cancer isn’t Bloody Mary or Beetlejuice. Things will not get worse just by speaking its name three times. Just the opposite! Over time, talking about these things can help shrink the intensity of our feelings.