The Courage to be Wrong

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Being wrong takes courage.

I started reading (with a pencil) Alan Jacobs’ How to Think: A Survival Guide for a World at Odds. I’m only two chapters in but I’m already buying all of you a copy for Christmas.

We’re not as good at thinking as we think we are. Jacobs says that “many errors in thinking arise from assumptions people don’t know they’re making.” We assume too much. We’ve got biases locked in that we don’t realize are messing things up and we need the courage to confront them. Because, as Jacobs points out, it’s RISKY to think.

 

“Relatively few people want to think. Thinking troubles us; thinking tires us. Thinking can force us out of familiar, comforting habits; thinking can complicate our lives; thinking can set us at odds, or at least complicate relationships, with those we admire or love or follow. Who needs thinking?”

 

Josh Harris is the perfect example of this. In the 90’s, when Harris was only 21 he published I Kissed Dating Goodbye, an incredibly successful book on Christian relationships. It became a number one best seller and influenced the way youth pastors across the country talked about dating.

There were people loved the book but others had really negative experiences with it. Some would reach out and try to explain to Harris how his book hurt them, screwed up their views on relationships, or was used as a weapon against them. Now Harris has a statement on his website about his book and how his opinion on it is changing.

From his statement:

 

“While I stand by my book’s call to sincerely love others, my thinking has changed significantly in the past twenty years. I no longer agree with its central idea that dating should be avoided. I now think dating can be a healthy part of a person developing relationally and learning the qualities that matter most in a partner.”

 

He goes on to make a real apology, owning what he did wrong.

 

“To those who read my book and were misdirected or unhelpfully influenced by it, I am sincerely sorry. I never intended to hurt you. I know this apology doesn’t change anything for you and it’s coming too late, but I want you to hear that I regret any way that my ideas restricted you, hurt you, or gave you a less-than-biblical view of yourself, your sexuality, your relationships, and God.”

 

At first I thought it must have taken a lot of courage to write something like that but now I think the courage came earlier. By the time he got to the point where he felt the need to say something publicly, the momentum from an earlier act of courage was strong enough to carry him along.

Here’s what Harris said in a TEDX Talk called Strong Enough to be Wrong:

 

“But it was so hard for me to face up to being wrong because it felt like I was saying a big part of my life was wrong. I didn’t have the courage to do that. What helped me to begin to let my guard down was a few years ago I stopped being the pastor of a large church and I went back to school. I went to graduate school and I stopped having to be constantly right about everything and defend all these ideas and I just became a student who was a listening.”

 

It took courage to slow down and listen.

NOTE: I don’t think every pastor needs to leave ministry in order to have mindset. I think ultimately the pastor’s role isn’t necessarily “the one with all the answers." Scripture is supposed to stand as the authority figure and the pastor is the first follower, helping the congregation to see the answers and guidance God’s Word gives. I believe a pastor is allowed to be wrong and I think it could be an incredible example for their congregation if a pastor were to get up and apologize during a service.

In that TEDX Talk Harris says “evolution always involves death.” If we want to grow and change we have to let old habits and old ways of thinking die off to make room for the new. That’s what change is.  We need to create a culture that celebrates the courage it takes to question what in your life needs to change. It has to be a culture that allows the space for people to be open and vulnerable enough to evaluate all the things in their life that may need to die.

We’re all wrong about at least one thing. We can’t all be right about everything all the time. So there’s got to be at least one thing you believe that isn’t right.

This isn’t just about political opinions. It could be priorities, how you handle your anger, opinions on relationships, biases about other cultures, theology, and a million other things. We’ve got to be willing to examine these things.

When we belong to a community of people we truly believe care for us and want the best for us, it’ll be easier to have the courage to slow down, listen, evaluate, and be convinced that something needs to change.

Do you have that now? Are you contributing that sense of security to the people in your community?

We need it. Now more than ever.

A Hot One For Patreon

I wanted to make sure I didn’t become boring and repetitive with all my posts about my Patreon this month.

One idea was sit down with a friend, eat an incredibly spicy wing, and then try to pitch why people should support me. I had seen this certain hot sauce on Hot Ones for the last several years. Every time a celebrity ate a wing with this sauce they always commented on how it was the worst. I knew it would suck the most and be the make for the best footage.

I was nervous to do this but I also didn’t know what to expect at all. The intensity really caught me off guard. My brain went in to panic mode. It hurt to breathe so my brain started shouting “YOU’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BREATHE AGAIN! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!”

Isaac makes me look like a real wimp. I wish I could be cool like him.

The hot sauce we used is Da Bomb Beyond Insanity. It's 135,600 Scovilles (heat measurement). To put that in perspective, tabasco sauce is only 3,750.

Please, dear God, check out my Patreon and consider supporting what I’m doing.

Another Exhausting Election

I voted today but you’d never know it because the moment I got my little sticker I ate it.

Politics are exhausting.

I know I could spend tonight watching the results roll in but that dos not sound fun at all. I did that in 2016 and that emotional rollercoaster was enough to last me a lifetime.

The only good thing that came from election coverage in 2016 was Colbert’s improvised closing monologue at the end of his live Showtime special that night.

This election season is about to end but you just know the 2020 presidential campaigns are going to start way too early. More arguing and Facebook anger is right around the corner.

Today’s a good day to watch Colbert’s monologue again.

If you want to avoid election coverage tonight but you still want something a little political, here’s what I recommend on Netflix:

  • West Wing (the TV show)

  • Lincoln (the Spielberg movie)

  • Unconstitutional (stand-up special from Collin Quinn all about the constitution and I love it so much)

If you are going to watch the results roll in tonight and you feel like you’ve got a lot of skin the game, remember that there are real life people on the other side of those issues. They have names and faces and fears. They think they’re doing the right thing too.

I love in that monologue how Colbert connects politics to gambling. We get wrapped up in winning.

 

“…worrying about winning and not about what the consequences of winning is.”

 

Yes, voting is a way for your voice to be heard but it’s not the only one. It IS the only way to really “win.” But I wrote a while ago why I want to stop winning arguments.

Be kind. Be cool. Don’t set anything on fire. We’re all still neighbors.

The Trap of Shame

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Brene Brown defines shame as "the fear of disconnection.” It’s the fear that asks “is there something about me that if other people know it or see it I won’t be worthy of connection?”

I don’t know if the church talks enough about the power of shame to ruin our relationship with Christ.

Sin separates us from God but shame traps us in hiding.

After Adam and Eve ate the fruit they realized they made a horrible mistake. First they tried to hide themselves from each other by making some clothes. Then they tried to hide from God. Which was…a dumb move. How can you hide from God? But when you’re in a shame panic you’re not thinking.

Here’s the real question: WHY would they try to hide from God? Answer: Because they were afraid of how He would react. That’s why we hide anything from anyone. We don’t want to see them flip out, get angry, break down crying, or start uncontrollably anger vomiting (people do that, right?).

Eventually they come out of hiding and face up to God. They spill the beans on their sin, waiting and wincing at what might come next. He had EVERY RIGHT to turn His back, reject, destroy them, and start over. But the first words out of God were words of love.

“I’m going to fix this.”

 

The Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,
    cursed are you above all livestock
    and above all beasts of the field;
on your belly you shall go,
    and dust you shall eat
    all the days of your life.
I will put enmity between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring and her offspring;
he shall bruise your head,
    and you shall bruise his heel.”

 

Genesis 3:15 is known as the protoevangelium, the first gospel. It’s the first time Jesus is mentioned in the Bible. God is saying “sin has separated man from me but through a descendant of Eve I will bring reconciliation.”

That’s how God responds.

It makes the hiding seem like a waste of time, right? They were just putting off an encunter with God’s love and grace.

Shame traps us in hiding.

We think there’s something about us that if it were to ever come out, it would be impossible for Jesus to love us. So we hide. And yeah, the thing we're hiding might be terrible and wrong and destructive to our life, but how is hiding going to fix it? It’s not a real solution. We're just putting off the consequences until later. We're making it a problem for Future Us to deal with.

You can’t deal with a problem unless you admit the problem exists. You can’t hear “I’m going to fix this” until you come out of hiding and admit that something’s broken.

I don’t have to be afraid of God’s reaction. There’s nothing in my life that would ever make me unlovable to Him. I can’t surprise Him. He won’t change His mind about me. He said He loves me, He’ll forgive me, He’ll heal me, and He’ll give me new life. There’s nothing I can do that would make Him take it back.

And that’s truly wild. Because I HORRIBLE on my own. He has every right to abandon me. But His grace is more than enough. I don’t deserve it. He just offers it because of who He is.

So why hide? What good is that doing? Step out into the light. Open up.

This is true about Christ and it’s also who He designed the church to be. The church is supposed to represent Christ on Earth. You want to see how Jesus responds to your brokenness and shame? Look to the church. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Find someone who represents Christ that you trust and take that first brave step into the light.

There’s nothing you can bring to the light that is too big and can’t be covered by God’s grace.

Looking Back

Leading up to this month I shared a couple memories from my last 10 years of performing as a comedian. I wanted to look back on where I came from before looking ahead at WHAT’S NEXT.

Right now what’s next is creating resources on confession that can reach far beyond my live shows. In order to do that I need your support. That’s why I have my Patreon.

But here are a few moments from over the years that were a big deal for me.

While putting this post together I realized I had one more memory I never shared. This is dumb and not a big deal to anyone else except me.

 
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In college I became the director and head writer of a sketch comedy show the school put on twice a year. Since I was in charge I finally got make a lifelong dream a reality: I hosted the whole show with a puppet sidekick. It was a moment of pure joy. Look at that puppet. Look at the pure joy oozing out of me. He was my best friend.

Where Can the Youth Hang Out?

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 “Kids have playgrounds, adults have Starbucks, but where else can teenagers meet indoors, without charge, and do whatever: play video games, do homework, craft, chat?”

 

This is from an article on how public libraries have started designing young adult sections that teens would actually use.

It’s a great question. Most teens don’t hang out anywhere. It feels like everybody just goes home to their room after school and only interacts with people through their screen.

They need to get out and be around people but where are they supposed to do that? 

In high school the only things I was involved in were theatre and my church. If I wasn’t at home I was at one of those two places (or Chipotle). There were days I’d hang out at church because I was helping my youth pastor work on an event or a big project. But there were a lot of days I went up there just to goof off. I got to have a lot of hands on experience with ministry and my relationship with my youth pastor grew so much.

Do students just hang out at churches? Is that a thing that’s happening?

Can the church follow the example of public libraries and create a place where they can be themselves outside of services?

I’m sure the biggest push back would be the idea that students would end up putting themselves in a bubble. They’d only ever be around Christians and never spending time with people outside the church. But why can’t they come too?

“Hey, We need to work on that big group project for English class. I know your parents are weird about having guests over and my house smells super weird, so do you want to come to my church and work on it in the cafe?”

I was an interim youth pastor for a year and a half in Waxahachie, TX. I can’t think of a single place high schools liked to hang out that was actually open and welcoming to them being there.

A ton of them would go to Hastings after school to flirt awkwardly with each other, be weird, draw on their hands, play with their YuGiOh cards. Eventually Hastings banned all of them because they would swarm in at 4, never buy any coffee, and would steal books from the bookstore.

At night a ton of students would crowd around a corner of the Wal-Mart parking lot. They called the area “the snake pit” which is…so dumb. Every once in a while cops would drive up and get everyone to scatter for a while before coming right back to the pit.

Where are teenagers supposed to go? No one wants them. They’re loud, messy, and can be destructive.

When Jesus said “let the little children come to me?” Did he also mean “let the teenagers come too, with their acne, and their loud laughter, and their phones, and their secret vape pens they hide from their mom, and all the baggage they bring with them.”

Why I'm Scared of No Shave November

 
 

I don’t want to shock anyone with my face!

This whole month I really want people to check out my Patreon. With new supporters I’ll be able to create a ton of awesome resources that’ll reach people far more than I can from touring.

Before the month started I knew I wanted to make sure I kept all of my posts and updates about Patreon fun and interesting. I didn’t want to a video every day of me begging “PLEASE GIVE ME MONEY!” Nobody wants that. Everyone would ignore.

How do I keep things interesting this month?

I have a lot of stuff planned but the one I’ve already started is…uh…I’m not going to shave my face all month.

This is terrifying.

I’ve never gone longer than 4 days without shaving. I have no idea what I’ll look like with facial hair. It can’t be good. It’s going to be weird and bad.

Last summer I did a video about my fear of having a beard. I asked my friends to picture me with a beard and ALL OF THEM IMMEDIATELY LAUGHED AT ME.

I’m doing this because I believe in my Patreon. Now whenever I post about it, people will check it out even if it’s just to look at my weird face.

Watch the video from last summer:

Why Support My Patreon?

Right now the only people I'm able to reach are the ones who see me live. With your support we can reach SO MUCH MORE with podcasts, books, small group curriculum, and leadership training that all focus on confession.

YOUR SUPPORT PAYS FOR:

  • Equipment needed to make each project

  • Editors, designers, producers who will will come on board to finish each project

  • Time off from traveling and performing to spend time on these projects

3 Reasons to Stop Winning Arguments

I have found that the best way for me to win an argument is if I play both parts.

I wish I could stop thinking of it is “winning” an argument, as if it’s a game. I mostly want to win because I don’t want to lose.

CONVINCE is a better word. I want to CONVINCE someone of something because it’s right and true and I know it will make them (or maybe even the world) better for believing the true thing. I should also be open to being convinced because if I believe something that’s wrong then of course I want to find out as soon as possible so I can replace it with the right thing.

What if this whole time I thought toothpaste was for your armpits and deodorant was for your teeth? That would be a miserable and embarrassing life. I’d hope someone could convince and correct my bad thinking.

Here are 3 reasons why I think it’s better to convince than to win:

1. There’s a lot more compassion is “convincing” than there is in “winning” the argument.

2. It puts disagreements in a better perspective. The more trivial arguments lose intensity when it stops being about winning. Why do I need to convince someone that The Dark Knight is not the greatest movie ever made? Is it that important? Instead I think I can convince them to watch more movies to see what else is out there.

(at this point I would like to make it clear that I enjoy The Dark Knight but I don’t think it’s the greatest movie ever)

3. No one ever thinks they lost an argument. Have you ever said to yourself “boy, I really lost that one.” NO! Of course not. You walk away mad. You play it over and over in your head. You talk about how dumb, mean, and ugly the other person was. But you never declare yourself the loser. So part of the satisfaction of winning is taken away when you’re the only one who thinks you’ve won.

I think this can really help my mindset when I walk into a disagreement. Now if I could only control how loud and angry I sound whenever I get passionate.

Even if I’m not mad, I always come across like the russians playing chess on The Simpsons.