Last week I got to return to my alma mater and share a sermon that meant a lot to me.
Mister Rogers' Key to Success: Remembering
In the Esquire article that inspired the new movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, there’s a story of Mister Rogers being asked to contribute to a book for eye doctors. They specifically wanted Rogers to write advice for how these doctors could help children not be so afraid of visiting them. Rogers was able to sum up the entire message of his chapter in one sentence: “You were a child once, too."
The more I learn about Mister Rogers, the more I hear this idea repeated: the key to Mister Rogers’ success was that he could remember what it was like to be a child. He could remember the moments of fear, confusion, loneliness, and shame. He could still see the world through the eyes of a child. Think of how this changes the way you approach communicating important ideas to children.
As you grow up, you realize a lot of the fears you had as a child were actually completely irrational. You’re never going to get sucked down the drain of the bathtub. That’s literally impossible. But when you’re small, that terror is REAL. If you can’t remember just how real it felt when you were young, it can be more difficult to have empathy when trying to help a child who is struggling with the fear. You could become dismissive or angry when they don’t just “get over it.” You see things from the vantage point of maturity, and from where you’re standing you see how ridiculous the fear is, but the child cannot. “Why don’t you just see what I see!” We might never yell those words but our tone and attitude could still say it none the less.
Mister Rogers remembered. He could still climb back into his childhood self and see the world from that point of view. That had to be one of the keys to his success.
While I was attending a Christian college, I loved bugging my professors with as many questions as I could think of. Even though I grew up going to church I never really took Biblical literacy and theology very seriously. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know until I got to college. I also didn’t realize how much I wanted to learn until I spent time with my professors. Looking back, it’s still remarkable how patient they were with me. All of them had at least a decade of teaching under their belts. I was probably asking questions they had heard countless times from a hundred different students every single semester. And yet, they always listened and responded as if it was the first time they had ever been asked. They were never (visibly) annoyed. They never rushed me. They never dismissed any question for being stupid.
Part of me wonders if my professors had the same gift of perspective that Mister Rogers had. Could they remember what it was like when they were still an immature Christian discovering the beauty of scripture for the first time? Could they recall hearing new ideas and concepts about the character of God and the nature of sin? They remembered all the excitement and confusion wrapped up in something new.
Is this also the key to discipleship? When you’re going to walk with someone toward maturity in Christ it must help to remember what it’s like to start at square one. They don’t know better. They don’t know anything yet, just like you did when you first found yourself drawn to the gospel.
Let us never forget: you were a child once, too.
Mister Rogers and the Origin of Kindness
If Mister Rogers found himself doing any public speaking, he was known for ending his speeches the same way. He did it at The Emmy’s when the was given the Lifetime Achievement Award and he did it when he was the commencement speaker for Dartmouth College in 2002.
All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take along with me 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are, those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life?
[10 seconds of silence]
Whomever you have been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they’ve made.
I wonder if this is the secret source to Mister Rogers’ kindness. Is it gratitude for the kindness you’ve received that motivates you to share kindness with others? Maybe Mister Rogers is wanting people to reflect on they were supported and loved in hopes that they’ll strive to do the same. Think about how you would not be here today if it weren’t for that person that came to mind. How many other people will not get anywhere without your love and support?
This is from another commencement speech Rogers gave that is featured in the documentary, Won’t You be My Neighbor?:
"From the time you were very little, you’ve had people who have smiled you into smiling, talked you into talking, sung you into singing, loved you into loving.”
I truly believe Mister Rogers' unspoken conclusion to all these moments of reflection and gratitude was “go and do likewise."
The apostle Paul makes the same point.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
Remember what God has given to you. Remember that you definitely did not deserve it. It’s actually in spite of all you’ve done and who you are that you have been adopted into His family. Remember all that had to be forgiven, and still has to be forgiven. Remember the cross. When you keep all of that in mind, you have no reason to be stingy with your kindness. Why hold out on offering attention and love and gifts of absurd generosity to those who don’t deserve it?
The Secret to Preaching Like Mister Rogers
“As simple as Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood looked and sounded, every detail in it was the product of a tremendously careful, academically-informed process.”
I love this article from The Atlantic on the extensive work Rogers put into every line delivered on his show. He was strategic. There were no throw away lines. Everything was purposeful.
The article talks about ‘Freddish,’ a term for the specific way of communicating Rogers was known for. Here’s the key: "Fundamentally, Freddish anticipated the ways its listeners might misinterpret what was being said.”
One line could get rewritten 8 times to make sure it communicated exactly what Rogers wanted. “It is dangerous to play in the street” could be worked over again and again until it becomes “Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them, and listening is an important part of growing.”
First, you’d rewrite it to make it a positive statement. Then you need to remember that this message is for pre-schoolers and at that age, you still need to be redirected to an authority figure. The sentence then becomes “Ask your parents where it is safe to play.” But wait, not all kids are raised by their parents so you need to change it to “your favorite grown-up.”
And so on. And so on.
I can’t help but be challenged by this. Am I as careful with what I say on stage? Do I go over my word choices with a fine-tooth comb? Am I as aware of my audience as Mister Rogers? Am I anticipating how things could be misinterpreted?
Even just from reading the article you get the sense of just how exhausting this level of attention to detail can be. I was once at a dinner with other ministers and we could not stop talking about the worship song Reckless Love. Can we say that God’s love is reckless? Is that wrong? Should churches sing that? What does that say about the character of God? At the time, I was not having it. I just wanted everyone to shut up and eat their burgers. I was tired. It was the end of a long week of camp. I wanted to just shout “WHO CARES” and let that be the end.
But, honestly, it’s a question worth asking.
Not just with one worship song, but with everything we do and say in the church. What is it communicating? How can this be misinterpreted? Pastors are shepherds entrusted with a flock to lead and protect. That’s a big deal.
My friend Cameron has been doing a lot of really challenging writing that examines certain “givens” we’ve accepted in the modern American evangelical church.
Should churches put an American flag on stage?
Is what we’re calling the gospel actually the gospel?
I have to applaud his dedication to cautiously evaluating what is being presented to his flock. That’s some real Mister Rogers stuff right there.
Does your church ask these questions? How do we talk about sin? Worship? Discipleship? Yes, it can get exhausting and frustrating and confusing, but it’s worth it. Maybe we don’t have to talk about it at dinner, but we can come back to the topic tomorrow.
What Changes are You Expecting? Mister Rogers & Growth
Mister Rogers has a song called What Do You Do with the Mad that You Feel? It’s about all the different ways you can express your anger without taking it out on yourself or others.
What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong...
And nothing you do seems very right?
What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?
I love the question Mister Rogers is asking. What do you do with it? Not “do you have it?” It’s a given that all of us, every single person, is going to have some Mad. The real question is what are you going to do with it when it shows up, because it will show up. This isn’t just true with anger. "What do you do with the _____ that you feel?” There are a million things you can fill that blank with. What do you do with the sadness? Tragedy? Grief? Doubt? Confusion? Jealousy? Stress?
When you ask that question you’re able to skip ahead, breeze past the scary moment where you have to admit that you’re feeling that feeling in the first place. Look, we know you’re going to deal with it. We all are. Let’s just kick shame to the side and talk about HOW you’re going to deal with it.
The song is about how there are constructive and destructive ways to deal with the mad that you’re feeling. There are positive outlets, ways of releasing the built-up tension that are safe and helpful. If we don’t choose those avenues, it’s not like the mad just goes away. It’s going to come one way or the other.
In my book, In the Altogether, I talk about how vulnerability without hope is pointless. You have to believe change is possible if you’re ever going to see the value in opening up to someone. Why take the risk and let your walls down unless you have faith that something good can actually come from that? The truth is there’s incredible change available in Christ Jesus.
But…
We need to make sure we have good expectations for what that change might look like. If you work up the courage to confide in someone you trust about some issue or struggle, things will change. But will the change be that the issue goes away? I don’t know. Sometimes it will, and praise God for that. But sometimes the change be that now you have a new way of dealing with it when it shows up.
One of the biggest changes I’ve had in Christ is the answer to the question “What do you do with the depressed that you feel?” The feelings still show up, but I’m ready for them now. The whole experience is totally different. Do I keep it to myself? No. Do I deny I’m even experiencing it? Nope! I don’t have to anymore because of Christ.
Trusting Christ doesn’t mean you never deal with difficulties again. Yes, God can bring relief, and healing, and lift burdens, but sometimes He will show you how incredibly powerful He is by having you rely on Him and His church as you go through what you wish you could go around. He will give you new and better ways to deal with what life throws at you. That’s what shows off how incredible God is. Other people are going to see you going through the same things as them, but handling it totally differently, and they’ll be so blown away. How on earth are they doing that? Then you can point them to Jesus.
What do YOU do with what you deal with?
Concert Airdrops
I’ve been tagging along to a lot of concerts lately. My friend Isaac runs a music blog (Born Loser Magazine) and gets us free tickets. At the last several shows, between acts, everyone in the crowd just starts airdropping memes to any random stranger’s phone who is available.
Last night we saw Puma Blue in Dallas and here are a few pictures I received.
Do I participate in this stupid activity to pass the time? Of course.
Here were some of my favorites to send last night.
I know, they’re not that good. It’s the best I had. I never come prepared for these things.
No Feeling is Final
Jojo Rabbit is a brilliant movie that should have never worked. It’s about a boy growing up in Nazi Germany and his imaginary best friend is Hitler? And it’s funny? And it’s touching and heartwarming and beautiful? No. There’s no way. How is that possible?
Somehow it is. I saw it today and I loved it.
The film ends with a quote from a poem I had never heard before.
Rainer Maria Rilke’s Go to the Limits of Your Longing
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
No feeling is final.
No feeling is final.
What a relief. What a wonderful reminder. It all ends. Life keeps moving and new things will show up.
This too shall pass.
When I was in my darkest moments, struggling with thoughts of suicide, I felt hopeless because of this overwhelming sense that I would never not feel as bad as I was feeling at that moment. I was so sure that the weight would never lift. This was forever.
But it’s not true.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Life is More Than To Do Lists
Some days I need to rethink work and how I’m spending my week. I’ve got to stand in front of a mirror and scream, “Productivity isn’t everything!”
Some days you need to let your mind wander.
Some days you need to get obsessed with something random and unimportant.
Some days you need to chase a rabbit trail.
Some days I’m the most creative when I’m wasting time.
For me, it has less to do with how do you live every day, but: Are you making work consistently and do people know where to find you consistently?
I can get so focused on checking off items on a To Do List that I wrap my whole identity around it. If I’m not doing a million tasks a day, I’m a load of lazy garbage. I mean, I never say that out loud, but it’s how I feel. Productivity becomes an idol.
I like this quote from Freidman. Am I consistent? Maybe that’s all that matters. I need to show up. Some days I get a lot done and other days just the fact that I showed up in the first place is a miracle. It’s ok. Keep going.
You can’t always judge how important a day was by how many tasks got crossed off your To Do List.
The Year is 87% Over
Time flies when you’re checking your phone 5 hours a day.
Safe Doesn't Always Mean Healthy
The safe choice isn’t always the healthy choice. The safe option isn’t always the right one.
It’s safer to keep your walls up and never let anyone get close.
Safety is sometimes overrated. The good stuff is often hiding out where it’s dangerous.