The other day I read a Twitter thread from Joy Beth Smith that was really exceptional and eye opening. It all started because of tweet from BBC.
Today’s African #proverb: The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth. Sent by Thomas Ayeni, from Calgary, Canada. How do you interpret this proverb? https://t.co/QthUnQEhFb
— BBC Africa (@BBCAfrica) March 6, 2018
Smith used this proverb to talk about the problem of neglect.
And more children suffer from neglect in the US than from physical and sexual abuse combined, but because it's harder to define, harder to see, and harder to hold people accountable for, the children remain mistreated and the villages burn. https://t.co/LQTgiUwrII
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
Let's take a moment to learn about neglect, shall we?
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
Neglected babies will cry, and if they get no responses enough times they will become distrustful of the stability of their caregivers. They will start to live in a state of constant fight or flight https://t.co/4HB8Ec1gnP
"Most of these children will grow up but they’ll be at a severe disadvantage. Many will have ADD, hyper-attention, post-traumatic stress disorder, memory and learning difficulties, dependency, depression and have a tendency to become cutters or have other self-inflicted injuries"
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
Studies have shown adults who were neglected as children have much higher rates of drug addiction, alcoholism, smoking, violence towards others, and poor job performance.
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
One promising takeaway: "Research suggests that just one caring, safe relationship early in life gives any child a much better shot at growing up healthy."
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
Not with a parent, just one relationship. Look for signs of neglect. Be present and aware of the needs around you.
All it takes is "just one caring adult."
That's also the main theme of motivational speaker, Josh Shipp. One caring adult can make all the difference in a kid's life.
Joy Beth Smith ended her thread talking about the one caring adult in her life.
I believe I learned healthy attachment in 7th grade from a woman who chose to spend her Wed afternoons with me, shopping at Claire's, sipping lattes, talking about school and boys.
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
It matters. When you consistently show up to love someone in small ways, it matters. And it heals. https://t.co/CQdB0VFKco
Usually I try to avoid reading random responses to a tweet I like because it’s all usually horrible hateful garbage but I’m glad I did this time! I got to see this perfect exchange.
Oh, Laura. I'm so grateful you had that. I had a similar experience in college. Sometimes I feel like one of those skipping rocks that God has hopped from person to person but what's amazing is there were always people. To feel so loved when you have so little to offer is a gift.
— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018
I love love love love love the line “To feel so loved when you have so little to offer is a gift.”
I’m pretty sure I was the worst when I was a kid. I had no filter, I’d cling to anyone who gave me attention, and I could never calm down. It was easy to have friends my age because everyone else was just as annoying. But when I think about the fact that grown adults CHOSE to spend time with me, listen to me, and really take an interest in me, I AM SHOCKED. I had nothing to offer them in return and yet they still loved me. It really was a gift.
And now I want to be more mindful and more willing to give that gift to others.
It reminds me of a song from The Muppets (everyone reminds me of a song from The Muppets) called JUST ONE PERSON.
If just one person believes in you
Deep enough, and strong enough
Believes in you
Hard enough
And long enough
Before you know it
Someone else would think
"If he can do it, I can do it"
Making it
Two whole people who believe in you
Deep enough
And strong enough
Believe in you
Hard enough
And long enough
There's bound to be some
Other person who believes in
Making it a threesome
Making it three
People you can say
Believe in me
And if three whole people
Why not four?
And if four whole people
Why not more
And more
And more
And when all those people
Believe in you
Deep enough
And strong enough
Believe in you
Hard enough
And long enough
It stands to reason
You yourself will start to see
What everybody sees in you
And maybe even you
(maybe even you)
Can believe in you, too