Got to do it

I don’t know why today was such a struggle. I barely made it through and got any work done. It was one of the roughest days I’ve had in a while. Where’s the sun? The weather has been so dark and gross and moody for too long. Do I need to buy one those lamps that tricks you out of seasonal affective disorder?

Tonight I sat down to write 2,000 more words for my book. After crawling my way through my To Do List all day I fully expected writing to be a real battle. I set up my laptop at a coffee shop because I had to get out of my apartment if I wanted to avoid going insane and before I pulled up my word document I played this song from Andrew W.K.

I needed to hear someone say “You’ve got to keep going.”

Feeling Good

Feeling good. Not stressed at all.

Whenever I get really frustrated about something suddenly I’m so much more sensitive to every little annoyance in my life. All the things I could easily brush off are now ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARES because my bad mood is ruining my perspective.

Thats what happened to me today. It took a while to calm down. I knew it was important I find something to chill me out because I had to do standup at a Christmas dinner. I don’t think “on edge and ready to snap” is a good look for me. I’m not the type of comedian who can pull it off.

First I recognized that I was feeling frustrated and admitted to how it was affecting my attitude all day. I complained loudly to someone I trust. And then I listened to Andrew WK because his music is so positive and wonderful, I know it can always put me in a good mood.

The picture is from another time I was feeling the same way. I didn’t do that whole step by step to get through it. I just grabbed that dog as it walked by and squeezed it real tight for a while. That seemed to work too.

Also, I promise I’m wearing shorts in that picture. Don’t get too distracted by my thick legs, you weirdo.

How I Fight Insecurities Before Performing

I started a new ritual this year.

Any time I’m feeling insecure before performing—I’m so certain the audience is going to hate me or something will go wrong and it’ll turn into a complete disaster—I will watch this video of Andrew W.K. getting kicked off stage at The Gathering of the Juggalos.

It is one of the most inspiring videos I’ve ever seen. It’s a beam of pure light and it makes me fearless.

The Gathering of the Juggalos is a notoriously hostile festival for performers. If they don’t like you WHO KNOW what horrible things they might throw at you. Empty bottles? Glass? Their own poop? If they don’t like your show they will try to ruin it.

In the first few seconds of the video you can tell the audience isn’t on Andrew W.K.’s side. He’s dancing like a weirdo and sharing a positive message. He’s not trying to be cool. He’s not trying to impress anyone. He is being 100% himself NO MATTER WHAT.

They throw empty cans at him. Doesn’t faze him.

You can tell by even just the little you see the crowd that no one seems into it. Doesn’t stop him.

He’s giving it his all. He’s not giving up.

Eventually some security guard comes and pulls him off stage. It’s over. I guess they realized that no matter what happened out there Andrew W.K. wasn’t going to back down and if they wanted it to stop they were going to have to stop him.

Some times we’ll do a school assembly at a high school where it feels like nobody cares. It’s like every student decided they were going to check out the moment they sat down in the auditorium. You feel like you’re speaking to wall. It’s so easy for that to throw me off and get in my head. But if I picture Andrew W.K. just GOING FOR IT no matter what, it inspires me to keep going.

It might feel like 99% of the audience hate you and everything you’re doing, but even if there’s just one person connecting to what you’re saying, it’s worth it. I’m sure there were a handful of people who were absolutely in love with what Andrew W.K. was doing at The Gathering of the Juggalos. They were worth performing for.

Want more? Here’s a clip of Andrew W.K. talking about his experience of that performance.

Something Good is Coming

I love how Andrew Peterson describes hope as the belief that something good is coming.

When he was experiencing this season of depression he describes in the video his wife would often repeat that phrase. He needed that reminder because when you’re in that darkness it can feel like it’s going to last forever. It’s the new normal. You lose all hope because you believe you’ll never feel sunshine again.

But something good is coming.

It reminded me of an Ask Andrew W.K. article where someone asked “How Do I Get Through Dark Times?”

Andrew’s response focused on the cycle of light and darkness that all of us experience. Nothing lasts forever. Life is constantly changing and transitioning just like the night always changes into day.

“We must not mistake the experience of darkness as a sign of torturous death or the end of all good things. It is just a turning point, a part of a cycle. And once the darkness has completed its part of the pattern, the shadows will retreat, the sun will rise, and the light will return once more.”

And he ends the piece with this:

The shadows aren’t always bad. Sometimes they’re just the result of so much light around the corner.

Some times we can remind the people we love that something good is coming. But some times all we can do is be their anchor and believe it for them.

We want them to have hope so it changes their outlook but we also need to let the hope we believe in change our outlook on them. We can sit and listen to their heartache and pain without worrying or nervously trying to offer any advice that comes to mind because we KNOW that something good is coming for them.

We can be patient.

We can wait.

We can love.

In Lord of the Rings Sam knows he’s not allowed to carry the Ring for Frodo. It’s Frodo’s burden to bear. But when Frodo is at his weakest Sam proclaims “I can’t carry it for you but I can carry you.”

Something good is coming.