Love and Control

Donald Miller has this thought in his book, Scary Close: do you want to impress someone or do you want to connect with them?

Love is vulnerable. Love gives up control. You can't control your image, hiding all that's less than perfect so you appear as impressive as possible. You can't control the other person, like Terry Crews is saying.

LOVE IS TERRIFYING.

People are messy.

I know Crews is specifically addressing what he sees in modern masculinity, but I think this can be a pretty great critique of the church too. We're to love those in the family of Christ and those who are far from it.

What does our love look like? Does it seek to control? Is it really love then?

Watch the whole interview with Terry Crews

Planning my Sabbath

I’m speaking 6 times over the next 3 days in Paris, TX.

2 school assemblies

a leadership training on confession

an outreach event

Sunday morning service

and a high school senior banquet

This weekend is going to be really great but also REALLY EXHAUSTING. I’m an introvert so in order to “recharge” I need time alone and after this much time performing I’m going to need a lot of recharging.

I’m already planning out my sabbath for next week.

“Sabbath is a day when you act like the work is done, even if it isn’t.

Sabbath is when you spend a day remembering that efficiency and production are not God’s highest goals for your life. Joy is.”

I LOVE this explanation.

It’s so easy for me to get caught up in how much content (I hate that term) I’m creating and how many dates I have booked on my calendar. It can become my worth, my identity, my ultimate goal in life.

I know there’s going to be a real temptation after this weekend with an insane schedule to push through, hustle (I hate that term too), keep going, don’t sleep, and crank it out (even worse term).

But God says “rest.”

Next Wednesday I’m doing absolutely nothing. I’m going to sit around. I might read. I might go to the movies. I might play videos games all day. WHO KNOWS?! But I won’t check e-mail or post on Twitter or make any phone calls.

That’s the plan.

Oh, and the really great Sabbath quote from early? It’s from Rob Bell’s book How to be Here. I finished reading it last night. Is it the best book ever written? No. But there were definitely a few lines worth underlining. Like that one.

I know how some people feel about Bell so I wanted you to enjoy the quote before you found it was his. If I started with “Rob Bell says…” I know a few of you would have gotten defensive and screamed “WELL THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.”

My dream to be a clown

I FOUND PURE GOLD AT HALF PRICED BOOKS TODAY! IT'S PRETTY MUCH A MANUAL FOR HOW TO BE A CLOWN.

This is a big deal for me.

Almost every time I run into my old children’s pastor from my home church, she’ll bring up (and make fun of) the fact that my whole childhood I knew when I grew up I wanted to be a clown on a cruise ship.

Why a cruise ship? Why so specific?  When I was little, my family went on a cruise and part of the ship’s entertainment was a couple of random clowns. They’d MC the big shows at night, do little street performances around the ship, and even hosted a few clowning workshop. I was OBSESSED WITH THEM. I followed them around everywhere. They taught me how to juggle. I didn't know this was a real job a real adult could have. This is their whole life? They get paid to goof off on a cruise ship?! I WANTED THAT TO BE MY LIFE.

I was probably in 5th or 6th grade when my family went to the Ringling Brothers circus (RIP). There was a clown who I remember absolutely STEALING THE SHOW! I was obsessed with him too. His whole act was strictly physical. He fell down like a pro. My parents informed me that a lot of hard work went into his performance. All those falls? He had to practice those.

I’m sure my parents were trying instill in me some lesson about hard work and dedication but all I heard was “Taylor, if you want to be a clown you need to fall down more!” That night I went to my room on the second floor and practiced falling down for half an hour. Then my parents yelled at me for making so much noise. 

I knew was there was a clown college in Florida. That’s where I needed to go if I really wanted this be my life. My heart was set on it until one day somehow the news got to me that the clown college was on “hiatus.” That must have been the first time I ever heard that word. Hiatus? I was heartbroken and eventually gave up on the dream.

You know what? Now that I’m thinking about it, this part of the story doesn’t make much sense. Where would I have heard the news about this clown college? Who would have told me that? I wonder if it’s a lie my parents told me to get me to shut up about being a clown. 

I still think (most) clowns are cool. I respect and admire the craft.

When I was at Half Priced Books I was looking for anything in Mister Rogers (he's the current obsession). I was in the entertainment section when I stumbled on to a HUGE shelf of magic and circus books. I had no idea this corner of this story even existed. This clowning book caught my eye and when I started flipping through the pages I knew I had to have it.

Here’s the coolest thing about this: someone highlighted parts of the book.

THIS BOOK WAS PREVIOISLY OWNED BY SOMEONE REALLY LEARNING TO BE A REAL CLOWN AND I GET TO SEE WHAT LESSONS FROM THE BOOK WERE IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO HIGHLIGHT. 

I’m so excited to read this.

The moment I fell in love with Superorganism

I had never heard of Superorganism before but when I saw their tiny desk concert I immediately fell in love. I’ve watched it 4 or 5 times in the last few days.

Here's why I love this

1. (ONE.) They’re clearly having fun. There are few things more important in a live performance.

2. (TWO.) When you do a tiny desk concert you have to make some sacrifices. You’ve got this tiny space (it’s in the name!) so you might have to pull back on the instruments, make it an acoustic set. Superorganism pulls back but there’s NO REAL SACRIFICE. You still get this layered and detailed sound that comes from shoes, soda, blowing bubbles, clapping, and apples. 

3. (THREE.)  It doesn’t feel showy. It’s not tongue in cheek, ironic, "look at us being weird!" You know when you see someone who is dressing “different” and it’s so clear by the way they hold themselves that they’re just doing it for attention? They’re wearing sweatpants and an Abe Lincoln hat. They’re standing at the mall with the WORST poker face and you can just tell tell in their head they’re screaming “STARE AT ME!” Yeah. That’s not this band. They’re doing this totally unique performance because that’s who they are.

4. (FOUR.) Their performance is still so strong and tight. It would have been so easy for them to be like “let’s play weird a bunch of weird nosies,” not really practice or think about it and the joy would be in the chaos. That’s what most of us would do. But they PULL IT OFF. You could think this is just what their band does. BUT IT’S NOT.

How do you describe gossip?

This is a quote from my video series HOW TO LEAD A CULTURE OF CONFESSION.

I tried looking up famous quotes about gossip to see what kind of wisdom the internet could offer.

“The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.”   -Will Rogers

That’s a good one. That hits home. I talk in Culture of Confession about how gossip is a big problem for me. I’m so nosey and I want to know EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE! But when people start talking about me, I hate it and I’m so embarrassed. What a hypocrite.

“Gossip is called gossip because it’s not always the truth.”    -Justin Timberlake

Hey Justin? This isn’t a very good quote.

It sounds like someone woke you up from a nap and yelled “QUICK! SAY SOMETHING REALLY PROFOUND ABOUT GOSSIP!” and you were like “uhhh…gossip is…called….gossip….because it’s…not…always the truth?”

“No one’s personal life is in the public interest. It’s gossip, bottom line. End of story.”   -Kevin Spacey

Boy oh boy, this quote did not age well, considering everything we know about Spacey now.

“Gossip is the Devil’s radio."   -George Harrison

The Devil’s Radio is a great name for a band.

“Once I will warn you, and then I will fire you! I have a zero-tolerance-plus-one policy for gossip. I will teach you once, and then I will fire your butt.”   -Dave Ramsey

How embarrassing to show up to work and not be able to sit down because Dave Ramsey let you keep your job after your butt got fired?

If you want to hear everything I have to say about gossip, watch How to Lead a Culture of Confession.

Videos from My Livestream

Every month I'm putting on a comedy livestream exclusively for my Patreon supporters. Well, actually I decided for my first one I'd leave it open to the public. So you can find it all on Facebook.

Was it the best thing in the world? No. I learned a whole lot though. I had really big dreams for the livestream could be and it didn't really live up to it. It's frustrating when things don't live up to your taste. There were some scheduling problems and technical issues that got in the way.

BUT there were some pre-recorded videos I showed throughout the livestream that I'm really proud of. Each one is sillier than the last. Just the way I like it.

In one video I show off my new car.

I give a tour of the town I grew up in.

And my friend Seth sings Firework by Katy Perry.

There's a 4th video my other friend Derek made where he teaches you how to fake laugh and it's sooooo funny. I need to convince him to record a different intro/outro that doesn't mention the livestream so he can upload it to his youtube page because it's wonderful.

The Videos

If One Caring Adult Believes in You

The other day I read a Twitter thread from  Joy Beth Smith that was really exceptional and eye opening. It all started because of tweet from BBC.

Today’s African #proverb: The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth. Sent by Thomas Ayeni, from Calgary, Canada. How do you interpret this proverb? https://t.co/QthUnQEhFb

— BBC Africa (@BBCAfrica) March 6, 2018

Smith used this proverb to talk about the problem of neglect.

And more children suffer from neglect in the US than from physical and sexual abuse combined, but because it's harder to define, harder to see, and harder to hold people accountable for, the children remain mistreated and the villages burn. https://t.co/LQTgiUwrII

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

Let's take a moment to learn about neglect, shall we?
Neglected babies will cry, and if they get no responses enough times they will become distrustful of the stability of their caregivers. They will start to live in a state of constant fight or flight https://t.co/4HB8Ec1gnP

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

"Most of these children will grow up but they’ll be at a severe disadvantage. Many will have ADD, hyper-attention, post-traumatic stress disorder, memory and learning difficulties, dependency, depression and have a tendency to become cutters or have other self-inflicted injuries"

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

Studies have shown adults who were neglected as children have much higher rates of drug addiction, alcoholism, smoking, violence towards others, and poor job performance.

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

One promising takeaway: "Research suggests that just one caring, safe relationship early in life gives any child a much better shot at growing up healthy."

Not with a parent, just one relationship. Look for signs of neglect. Be present and aware of the needs around you.

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

All it takes is "just one caring adult."

That's also the main theme of motivational speaker, Josh Shipp. One caring adult can make all the difference in a kid's life.

Joy Beth Smith ended her thread talking about the one caring adult in her life.

I believe I learned healthy attachment in 7th grade from a woman who chose to spend her Wed afternoons with me, shopping at Claire's, sipping lattes, talking about school and boys.

It matters. When you consistently show up to love someone in small ways, it matters. And it heals. https://t.co/CQdB0VFKco

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

Usually I try to avoid reading random responses to a tweet I like because it’s all usually horrible hateful garbage but I’m glad I did this time! I got to see this perfect exchange.

Oh, Laura. I'm so grateful you had that. I had a similar experience in college. Sometimes I feel like one of those skipping rocks that God has hopped from person to person but what's amazing is there were always people. To feel so loved when you have so little to offer is a gift.

— Joy Beth Smith (@JBsTwoCents) April 26, 2018

I love love love love love the line “To feel so loved when you have so little to offer is a gift.”

I’m pretty sure I was the worst when I was a kid. I had no filter, I’d cling to anyone who gave me attention, and I could never calm down. It was easy to have friends my age because everyone else was just as annoying. But when I think about the fact that grown adults CHOSE to spend time with me, listen to me, and really take an interest in me, I AM SHOCKED. I had nothing to offer them in return and yet they still loved me. It really was a gift.

And now I want to be more mindful and more willing to give that gift to others.

It reminds me of a song from The Muppets (everyone reminds me of a song from The Muppets) called JUST ONE PERSON.

If just one person believes in you
Deep enough, and strong enough
Believes in you

Hard enough
And long enough
Before you know it
Someone else would think
"If he can do it, I can do it"

Making it
Two whole people who believe in you
Deep enough
And strong enough
Believe in you
Hard enough
And long enough
There's bound to be some
Other person who believes in
Making it a threesome
Making it three
People you can say
Believe in me

And if three whole people
Why not four?
And if four whole people
Why not more
And more
And more

And when all those people
Believe in you
Deep enough
And strong enough
Believe in you
Hard enough
And long enough
It stands to reason
You yourself will start to see
What everybody sees in you
And maybe even you
(maybe even you)
Can believe in you, too

My History with Livestream Shows

4 years ago when I was still a youth pastor I would invite my friends to hang out in my church office late at night so we could put on a really silly livestream comedy show. Tomorrow night I’m going to try to recreate that.

It all started with my friend Seth bored out of his mind on a long road trip. I came up with the idea of livestreaming from my laptop with him on speakerphone so members of the audience could ask him for advice. There was no real plan. We just wanted to make each other laugh. It was kinda-sorta “successful” (however you want to define that).

But we had fun doing it so we decided to try to do something like that again.

For this show we would be in the same room, we’d come up with ideas for bits, we’d bring in special guests, and we’d give it a name: PIZZA NIGHT. My office wasn’t that big but we were able to cram me and Seth in one corner and our friend Dani and her keyboard in another. she was the house band for the show. Any time we needed to transition between bits I’d swivel the laptop around to face her so she could play a musical interlude. It was a very high tech show.

I think we did a show every night of finals week. Our audience kept growing and our ideas got dumber. We introduced a character that was just devil puppet I found in the church storage. We called him Gary Nacogdoches and he was my best friend.

It was all very silly. None of us took it seriously. No one was trying to make a career out of it or get famous by being on the internet and I think that’s what made it so enjoyable.

Seth and I tried to do other livestream shows over the years. We tried watching the X-Files together but we couldn’t figure out the logistics.

At one point we tried to do Pizza Night season 2 but I don’t like talking about that. We only had one person tune and I was incredibly embarrassed. Pizza Night season 2 was a failure and I would like to apologize to everyone involved.

Tuesday night I’m hosting a comedy livestream for the first time in years. I’m older, wiser, and better prepared. I’ve got some really dumb ideas for what we can all do together during the show. I’m also really excited for these pre-recorded bits I’ll play throughout. Some are from me and some were made by friends (and Pizza Night alumni).

One of the rewards for supporting my Patreon is access to an exclusive monthly livestream. Since this is my first one I thought I’d open it up to the general public so everyone can get an idea of what they can get every month.

I’m praying it’s good and that people watch. I’m praying it’s more like Pizza Night season 1 and NOTHING LIKE SEASON 2.

We’ll see.

Living like a Time Traveler Takes the Stress Away

I’m in love with this recent “secret” shared on PostSecret.

“Sometimes I pretend I’ve time traveled to the past and am re-living my life. Time with friends and family suddenly becomes a gift, a chance to be with them once more before they’re gone again.”

I have a feeling whoever wrote was inspired by the movie ABOUT TIME. The film is about a guy who discovers he can travel back in time to any moment in his life and change whatever he wants. By the end of the film he’s older, married, has two children, and is traveling back in time a whole lot less.

This is what he says in a closing monologue:

“The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for a day. I just try to live everyday as if I have deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it... As if it was the full, final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.”

It’s a really beautiful thought and it’s so close to a concept I just read about in Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning. 

Frankl, a psychologist who survived 5 years in Nazi concentration camp, puts it this way:

“Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now.”

There are several passages in this book I can confidently claim CHANGED MY FREAKING LIFE but this one is probably at the top of the list.

I’ve already found myself doing this little thought experiment before going to lunch with friends. “Ok. What if I’ve already had this lunch and I’m getting to do it again to fix all my mistakes. What mistakes would I make that need correcting? I probably would have spent too much time looking at my phone. I could be rude to the people working. I could be a terrible listener and miss opportunities to be more supportive. But not this time around!”

Time travel has always been a big deal for me. In college I went through a strange and awful depression where I got really obsessed with regrets and wished I could have a time machine to fix all my garbage mistakes.

It was not a healthy time for me.

I have a tattoo of the flux capacitor from Back to the Future (it’s what makes time travel possible) on my leg. I got it several years ago because I wanted to remind myself that I don’t ever get a do over. You’ve got to get it right the first time because that’s all you have.

But now I’ve got Frankl in my head telling me to live like a time travel and make my life better.

A Story of Christian Parents During the Columbine Shooting

I wanted to share a quick passage from Dave Cullen’s incredible book about the Columbine shooting. I've been reading it this week and I've been absolutely blown away.

While the shooting was still happening, parents gathered at the public library to wait for their kids to be transported after being rescued or escaping from the high school. Some students returned unharmed and the parents rejoiced. Other parents waited all day just to discover their child had died.

A Red Cross volunteer at the library witnessed a difference in the way a lot of Christian parents were handling the tragedy.

“The way that those families reacted was markedly different. It was like a hundred and eighty degrees from where everybody else was. They were signing; they were praying; they were comforting other parents, especially the parents of Isaiah Shoels [the only African American killed]. They were thinking a lot about the other parents, the other families, and responding a lot to other people’s needs. They were definitely in pain, and you could see it in their eyes, but they were very confident of where their kids were. They were at peace with it. It was like they were a living example of their faith.”

This is what being different from the rest of the world is supposed to look like.

I think we cheapen the ways we’re supposed to stand out as Christians. We applaud ourselves for not listening to “that type of music,” seeing “those movies,” saying “bad words.”

But how do we handle our anger? What do we do with our jealousy, regrets, or doubts? What do we do when tragedy strikes? How do we apologize? Are our responses no different from someone who doesn’t know Christ?

I’m not saying we’re not allowed to hurt, grieve, or feel lost. We will all experience dark times. I’m not sharing this passage to shame us for not doing enough.

For me it was so encouraging to read. Look at these parents! When your life is centered around Christ it is possible to share hope and compassion with others while you’re going through the same tragedy.

I want to be like them.